I defeat Bret Michaels in the metaphor Olympiad

By: Sean | May 5th, 2008

Bret Michaels once noted that every rose has its thorn … and he’s gone on to note it every day since, several times. All it’s gotten him is millions of dollars and a show on MTV where hookers compete for his affection. Loser. I’m going to best Mr. Michaels by using this ‘every rose has its thorn’ metaphor to describe the downward signs in an otherwise delightful 3-0 road win. Yippee! Victory is mine, eternally!

So, yeah, about the thorns in this here rose…

- Can someone give Justin Mapp a little shake for me? Please? Because I think he’s sleeeeeeeepy. Either that, or he’s bogarting the pre-game peace pipe. I think it’s time for an intervention. Here, I’ll start: Justin, you’ve been called up to the nats … and you’ve had moments of genius … but this year you look like anyone you can’t easily outrun is going to embarrass you. This is a contract year, Justin! And, y’know, your friggin’ life! How about playing like it means something to you?
- I have to wonder about Wilman Conde’s injury. He didn’t accompany the team to Boston, but he was listed as ‘probable.’ Is there a trade in the works, or is there further off-field turbulence? Ideally, in my view, I’d like Conde playing his heart out in a Fire uniform.
- Chad Barrett, for all his effort, simply gaks too often in sight of goal for a professional football team to accept. If he could credibly play another position, a lá Chris Albright, I’d move him in a heartbeat, because his drive and team ethic are fantastic. But, gosh, being a forward means sticking the ball in the net. And Chad looks like a guy who just isn’t going to do that with any regularity.

I really, really hope these problems get solved. I mean, a motivated Mapp who actually grows his game beyond the 2005 Mapp move of poke-it-past-the-defender-and-sprint-by-on-the-other-side would be incredible for this team. And a dangerous third forward to join Rolfe and Frankowski in the rota would be incredible – Patrick Nyarko, are you out there?